Ego Erit non Deditionem, Ego Erit non do usque!

I Really should keep going with this blog because i am going to have to start blogging again anyway so i have titled this in my fave language Latin i will not surrender, i will not give up! and for good reason i'm not going to surrender to my high strong co workers, boss, friends. I am going to be me and i will do what i want when i want unless it's 
breaking the law
against my faith
against art
coinciding with school
going to hurt me in the long run
makes to much pressure on my brain
makes me feel as though i'll explode
makes me fall ill
breaks my heat
ok well hurts me or anyone else involved in the long run.  I want to make it out of this world alive! HAHA! i love puns.  i can say that i have decided on where and what i want my first tattoo to be of and it will hurt like the dickens but i'm ok with it because its meaningful and special.
I want a razor blade on my wrist that looks like the words Never Go Back are etched into it because almost killing my self from cutting over the summer has made me realize a lot and i'm so glad that i made it.  i'm glad that i've received help and i'm doing much better.  Thats one of the reasons i wanted my concentration to be abuse.  I have my stories, many of them coinciding and you have yours maybe we can find them one day intertwining.  I hope it will bring me inspiration.
Excited and Hopeful
Yours Truly
KAL<3

This is one of my favorite artists his names MARK RYDEN check him out! really creepy surrealism but i love it!!!

my failure

so i have realized i lost the page my teacher gave me and also decided that i hate the computer as well as blogging. the end

Day One: close your eyes, open your ears.

Sitting, eyes closed, in the cafeteria.  totally venerable and attempting to pick out things about the buzz and commotion of the ebb and flow of topics floating about the large open space.  I hear a conversation of "so n so has crazy sideburns." I also hear my table, consisting of two other students lets call them N and Z.  Their conversation not so timid, theirs is brooding with slanderous pornographic details that create chaos in my mind.  I begin to not be able to tune anything out, they try and talk to me saying my name as N waves her hands in front of my face.  I open my eyes and tell them that I'm doing something for a class and to just hold on.  They go back to there crude topics involving things that should be left from sophomore year in sex education.  I have a hard time believing that they are Seniors.  N is my best friend at the school and she doesn't act like this all the time. She actually tried to stop the conversation with Z at least six times, somehow the topics just keep coming back to them tho.  I attempted tuning them out and going back to my activity.  my mind began to drift as i heard the static sounding different tones and pitches of the voices surrounding me.  I thought of the stresses of life, school, and work.  Thinking about what the new boss lady would have in store for me that evening because everyone knows she hates me for some unknown reason.  Just as i thought i wouldn't ever be able to get peace, i felt a calm wash over me thinking about the clanking of the pans and dishes of the busy workers in the kitchen cleaning and slaving over hot stoves to give us (the students) some of the best food in town.  i honestly do believe that my school should open a restrant, they could call it The Lunch Lady, or Commons commodity's.  but then, i began thinking again, thinking about my amazing boyfriend of 5 days Collin <3 he brings me joy every time i hear his voice and sends shivers down my spine when i look into his eyes.  I'm so thankful to have him because my past week would have been Hell without him being there for me and helping me through it all and telling me I'm amazing.  i can still hear the calming sweet buzz of the students flowing throughout the room it makes me start to feel.  tuning back into reality, into the obscene conversation of my companions and into the conversations of other tables around me i tell my fellow table mates that i would like to stop the topic at hand and end the crudeness.  Z ignores me, N tries to calm me down and tells Z to stop.  He doesn't, i get up and walk away from that table.  i go and sit with my other friends who left Z, N, and i's table.  I told them that for the lunch portion of the block session i will for now on be sitting with them, M and B looked happy to have one me back over to the light of decency and kindness.  there conversation was about a book.  much better than the current one i had just left.  Distance from Z may show N that being icky isn't funny.i hope that i may be able to win them over to the light of normalcy in time.  The activity showed me how much I'm really soaking in and i never even realized it til i removed myself from the picture and listened.  i feel more, in tune.

in the beggining....

It all began in first hour on Friday the 10th of September.  Given one hokie assignment I have decided to make it a challenge and a great opportunity as an artist and writer (not a very good writer but a writer none the less) to take it upon myself to embark on a crazy wondrous adventure. My teacher had handed out a well a handout, she wants us to become more in tune with our surroundings and use our senses. the handout was about another blogger supposed to be British his blog was to help heighten the senses.  I thought that this would be a great opportunity for me as an artist who is working on a hopefully astounding portfolio to achieve the goal of entering into the college of my dreams.  So as my teacher told us to do only ONE "activity" as she called it i am choosing to do them all.  Some of them are crazy and weird and fun, so i thought why not blog about the experiences i have with the odd Lil buggers and find me, the growing artist that is inside. I will be going through the 25 days of heightening your senses expecting to achieve one activity a day.  I hope that this will be a journey that maybe you will also follow maybe not doing all 25 but picking out one or two and really beginning to feel.  This journey starts now.